Defining/scary moments in life:

  • The first time you realize mom and dad doesn’t have all the answers.
  • The first time you realize your doctor doesn’t have all the answers.
  • The first time you realize there are questions that has no answers.

– Will this ever fucking end?
– It’s called life, and it always ends.

Unwillingness to understand must be one of the shortest paths to idiocy…

Positive thinking: One good thing about a nuclear war is that perishable goods would most likely have their due dates pushed several weeks into the “future.”

– Have you noticed many TV-shows are trying to reinvent the 80ies?
– Yeah. Have you noticed many politicians are trying to reinvent the 30ies?
– Oh! That’s why the voters are cheering?
– …?!?

Tip to frequent flyers:
You may have flown with this aircraft a hundred—perhaps a thousand—times but I know for a fact that you have not been in an accident with it that many times…

What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back four seconds.

I’m sure Donald Trump is doing his very best… that’s why I sincerely hope he won’t become the next american president.

Update: Woahahahaha!!!

Prosecutor: So, you never heard the defendant say he was planning the murder?
Witness: No.
Prosecutor: As far as you know?
Witness: No.
Prosecutor: No?
Witness: I also know things I don’t know…
Prosecutor: What?!
Witness: It’s my super power… of course it’s as far as I know… Captain Obvious!
Judge: Order!

“At the end of the day I’m not the president of the United States.”

My thoughts: Right… Or actually; WRONG!

Designated Survivor

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