By Matthew Paul Argall - Own work, CC0, Link

Legalese for Stop

What if the most unhinged lawyer was allowed to write the legal text for the use of the stop-sign? The following might be what he or she might come up with.

If a person, defined as a two legged mammal of the species Homo Sapiens, over the age of 16, hereby defined as being of the age of 16 metric years and 1 metric second or older, where to come across, meet, bump into, discover, notice, stumble upon, uncover, unearth, intercept, observe, detect, discover, examine, inspect, look at, monitor, note, pay attention to, recognize, regard, scrutinize, study, view, watch, witness or in any other way, shape or form become aware of a red, not yellow, nor white, black, blue, green, pink, azure, orange, magenta, or any color other than red, eight sided, not one sided, two sided, three sided, four sided, etc up to seven sided, nor nine sided, ten sided or any more sided, sign, here defined as a metal, wood, plastic, granite, marble, wire, anti gravity, ot other suspension mechanism, topped by a metal, wood, plastic, granite, copper, aluminum, marble or other material, sign in the shape previously defined with the words “STOP” written in any type font other than Webdings, Open Symbol, or MS Kids across from left to right or right to left or top to bottom or bottom to top or any other angle, and if said person is at the moment of becoming aware as defined above by a sign as defined above, traveling in vehicle defined by but not limited to a car, bike, kite, balloon, ship, tanker, tank, siege machine, airplane, rocket, spaceship, teleportation beam, horse, donkey, dragon, lion, cat, kangaroo, Einstein-Rosen Bridge, or any other known or unknown mode of transportation, shipping, transit, freightage, haulage, passage or any other similar mode, then such a person should immediately as in within reasonable, unhampered, undrugged, uninebriated, undisturbed, unconditional, untraditional, unceremonial, time cease, desist, halt, discontinue, quit, terminate, renounce and relinquish any further transportation and resist and abstain to further travel until such a time as the vehicle as defined above has come to a halt, defined as moving at a speed of less than one meter, not kilometer, millimeter, microinch, yard, foot, fathom, skullbounce, or any other known or unknown, recognized or unrecognized, serious or silly, measurement of distance, per metric hour.